‘APP’-Y FAMILIES - Parenting Expert Sue Atkins releases free ‘Parenting Made Easy’ app

We really like Sue Atkin's practical, down to earth approach to parenting, especially the way she understands that parenting is not easy; Natasha Hallam at Small Talk said the other day, 'Even if they came with a  manual, the child wouldn't have read it!'

It is the hardest job in the world and we all need help to be better, we are delighted, therefore, that Sue has released an app about her 'parenting made easy' approach. This is what she says:

“I know how tough being a parent can be. But I also know what a wonderful role it is too. Parents deserve to have the right tools and techniques for their family, so they can promote a happy and healthy environment at home”, says Sue.

Providing users with access to free parenting tips, and exclusive information and resources that builds on her existing repertoire of ‘Parenting Made Easy’ products, the aim of the app was to make Sue’s expert knowledge more accessible to users, by providing them with a wealth of information at their fingertips. The app equips parents with clarity, direction and confidence to successfully raise their children.

In the app, Sue offers advice through various mediums, including pages on parent coaching, tips and tricks on good parenting techniques, videos, audio podcasts, as well as direct access to her blog, links to stories and more. Each week Sue will also post a question for parents to ask themselves, accompanied by some background experience, in an attempt to get users to reflect on their own techniques and how to improve them. . TO DOWNLOAD THE APP CLICK HERE: 

Sue Atkins is an internationally recognised Parenting Expert, Broadcaster, Speaker and Author of the Amazon bestselling books Parenting Made Easy: How to Raise Happy Children and Raising Happy Children for Dummies

Do children need to be perfect or just need perfect praise?

We welcome Natasha Hallam to our blog team:

After recently reading an article by Hanen “Good Job! Is praising your children a good idea?” it got me thinking about how much or how little we really do praise our children. Although the article suggested that everyday phrases such as “good boy, well done and awesome” can actually lead to negative implications, I am still a firm believer in praise! And feel that since working with children with speech, language and communication needs, that praise has become an important expect of their progress journey.

But I question as to whether, as a society, we are really using praise as much as we think we are? And is this praise actually benefiting them in any useful way?

After reading the article I was surprised to find that there are in fact two different types of praise and can now see 

Hanen’s point of view:

1.     Person praise – whereby praise such as “good girl and you won” is seen to judge the child’s personality or intelligence. This is focused only on a perfect performance and can lead to a reduction in motivation if pressure to achieve is put on the child.

2.     Process Praise – focuses more on the child’s behaviour and the actual effort they are putting into the task “You are trying really hard with that colouring”. This type of praise is effective in improving motivation, performance and boosting self-esteem.

Of course we all want are children to be confident, hard-working and be able to take on new challenges; so maybe the question is not so much “is praise good?”, but more about “is the way we praise good?”

Here are some top tips to Perfect Process Praising from Hanen!

1.     Each activity should always leave the child with a positive experience – no matter how big or small the achievement may appear, there will always be something to praise.

2.     Don’t correct – when it comes to a communication difficulty it can be very detrimental to self-esteem if the child is aware of the fact they are not saying it right. However nicely you say “no say it like this please”, what you are really saying is “no not like that, like this”.

3.     Modelling – instead of correcting, it is much more beneficial to just give the correct model; if the child says “it’s a horse” just say “yes it is like a horse, this one is a donkey”.

4.     Don’t overdo it – praise must always be sincere and when it becomes meaningless it will lose its effect.

5.     Limit Praise – once people get praising it soon becomes just a habit, you don’t need to praise everything so if the child is fully attending to an activity, then the activity should be its own reward.

6.     Don’t just say it, Do it! – when a child who struggles to communicate says “bubb” for “bubbles”, don’t just say “great talking” actually give her the bubbles, as this highlights that her communication attempt was effective.

7.     Praise Failure – but carefully; if a child is only praised when they have succeeded then praise becomes negative if they are constantly reminded of their mistakes. However, even children don’t like to be pitied so instead of saying “you tried your best”, try and focus on what they did achieve “you were so determined”.

8.     Attend to Positive behaviour – encourage good behaviour rather than just success, even if a child is struggling with an activity you can still use encouraging praises such as “ you are doing really good sharing” to make a positive experience.

9.     Ignore the Negative – small children are bound to fidget or find it hard to sit still, but ignored behaviour is likely to decrease.

 This is not to say that when children do something that is deemed as inappropriate behaviour such as; hitting another child, we should simply ignore it. No, children need to learn boundaries from an early age.

What I am saying is that when the situation is due to a communication difficulty – it is always better to provide a positive model then negative reinforcement.

Good Luck and get Praising!

By Natasha Hallam

Have  a look at the Hanen website for lots of practical tips Hanen.org

Hanen: A tip for parents of young children who communicate without words

Take a look at this tip from Hanen

They offer sensible, practical advice and programmes to help parents and practitioners. Communication opportunities are everywhere. Have  a look at this one:

Sing songs with your child and build in opportunities for him to take turns

Sing simple songs with your child, especially ones with actions, like “Row Row Row your Boat”, and build in opportunities for him to participate. This is a fun way for him to learn to take his turn in an interaction, as well as to learn new words.

• Sing a new song the same way a few times so your child learns the song and its “high point”. High points are the most interesting parts of a song. In “Row, Row, Row your Boat”, the high points are the rocking back and forth while you and your child sit on the floor, holding outstretched hands, and saying the last word after a long pause – i.e., “dream”.

• Once your child is familiar with the song, pause before a high point and wait for him to respond.

For example, when singing “Row Row Row your Boat”, sing the song through once or twice and then, still holding his hands, WAIT for him to ask you to sing it again (he will probably make a sound or rock back and forth to ask you to do it again).

Or, you can start to sing the song while rocking back and forth, pausing mid-song so he can ask you to continue.

Or, you can slow down and pause before the last word (“dream”), so he can make a sound - any sound - to end the song.

• To take his turn during songs, your child may wriggle, make a sound, look at you, point to something or perform an action. Accept anything as his turn and then continue immediately. The most important thing is that he takes a turn and has fun while doing it.

Small Talk are licensed Hanen Trainers www.private-speech-therapy.co.uk Please let us know if you would like to know more about the training we could do for you

10 things Dad's dream of doing

I read yesterday that Dad's spend so little time with their children nowadays that many are not having the special father/son-daughter bond that we had. Then Maureen Denard emailed me her latest blog post. See what you think........

All dads have things that they love to do, or dream about doing, with their sons. Even before a man ever becomes a father, he probably already envisions activities he looks forward to someday sharing with his boy. Here’s our list of ten things that dads dream of doing with their sons:

1. Holding him for the first time. – The moment when fatherhood first takes hold in a tangible, yet inexplicable way. You now know what it means to be a father, to be responsible for another life, and you’re never the same from that moment on.
2. Having a catch. – There’s scarcely a man in this country that didn’t at least get a little misty-eyed watching this scene fromField of Dreams. It is virtually every American man’s dream of father-and-son bonding.
3. Going to a ballgame. – Of course, the next step after playing catch in the front yard is heading out to the ballpark to watch the pros do it. Hopefully, your next catch will be of a home run ball. Whatever the case, this is the American pastime.
4. Teaching him to shave. - It’s a mundane chore for the average man, yes; but for a dad it’s a rite of passage. Showing your young whippersnapper the ropes with a razor and shave cream is pretty special, we have to admit.
5. Going camping, fishing or hunting. – Let’s face it, for a lot of dads, having a son is like getting a license for a second childhood. You’ve got a built-in excuse to do all sorts of things, this time for your son’s sake too. All those activities you once enjoyed are yours to enjoy again.
6. Attending his college graduation. – Few moments in a young man’s life hold as great a sense of promise and maturity than the day he goes from the campus out into the world. It brings with it a shared feeling of accomplishment for both father and son.
7. Acting as his agent at the NFL Draft. – Any dad who’s ever had a son with even a modicum of athletic ability has toyed with this fantasy on occasion. For most, it’s more dream than reality: but it is what dreams are made of, isn’t it?
8. Attending his wedding. – Naturally, a dad wants to see his son find a wife and lifelong companionship. It’s that next stage in the circle of life after all. Though dads aren’t quite as excited about doing this with their daughters…
9. Sharing the family business. – For some dads, the day that their sons assume their role in the family business is a special one. It’s one of mortal man’s versions of immortality, as is the next example especially.
10. Seeing his grandchildren. – Speaking of the circle of life, here it comes full-circle, with father and son becoming grand-father and father. A whole new generation begins, with whom to start the circle all over again.

There are many more dreams and expectations dads have for their sons, some more realistic than others. But these ten dreams have to rank right there among the top ones.

Maureen's website is http://www.findananny.net

How to be a good parent: A 5 a day plan to help

Parents should adopt a "five-a-day" approach, with daily activities to help children reach their full potential, a report has said. A BBC news article last week discussed that parents need help to bring up their children in the best possible way. I believe that many people have lost their way with parenting; we have many families where there are 2 or 3 generations of poor parenting now which is bound to have repercussions. I see the knock on effect of this almost everyday where children are not being stimulated sufficiently so their spoken language skills are detrimentally affected. Obviously the Hello campaign is working to address this issue but what about the other aspects? How much screen time, how to say no, how to build their self esteem. Everyone has a right to be secure, loved and valued; would these 5- a day rules help?

You can read the full story at http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14403919  These steps include reading to their child, praising them and talking to them with the television switched off. 

The think tank CentreForum says the government should start a national campaign promoting better parenting with a model similar to the five-a-day scheme which encourages people to eat fruit and vegetables, to give parents manageable steps.

Continue reading the main story

Five steps to help your child

• Read to your child for 15 minutes
• Play with your child on the floor for 10 minutes
• Talk with your child for 20 minutes with the television off
• Adopt positive attitudes towards your child and praise them frequently
• Give your child a nutritious diet to aid development

The report's author, Chris Paterson, said the most important factor influencing a child's intellectual and social development was the quality of parenting and care they received.

He said evidence suggested children from poorer backgrounds were much less likely to experience a "rich home learning environment" than those growing up in wealthier households.

Studies showed that more affluent parents spent more time reading to their children and talking to them and were more likely to praise them than tell them off, he said.

He said mothers and fathers from all backgrounds could make a difference to their children's life chances by following some simple rules.

"Parents from all social and educational backgrounds can and do provide home environments that are highly conducive to child development," the report said.

Mr Paterson told the BBC it should not be assumed that everyone knew how to be a good parent.

I believe the recent rioting reflects poor parenting; they didn't respect anyone else's property, felt it was OK to steal, throw missiles at police and set fire to cars and shops. They just thought of themselves and wanted to get rich quick. The values that would have prevented this are all things we need to teach our children. Plus, where did the parents think they were? 

I'd welcome your comments 

Why I hate shopping!

 

Is it the hassle of handling the shopping so many times.... into the trolley, out again at the till, pack the bags, load the car?
NO! Its the rantings of other parents that make me mad. I get so irritated by the, usually loud 'Stop it!!', 'Come here!', 'I told you before!', 'Pack it in!' In short, the supermarket is a reflection and huge reminder of today's poor interaction between parent and  child. The parent is frustrated, hassled and completely fed up by the ordeal and the child, who has long switched off to his parents ranting, is just pain bored. The negativity from both sides is almost palpable.
It could be an ideal place for language stimulation and meaningful exchange: Consider 'Do you want red or green apples?', 'What would you like for tea?','Can you get me the Shreddies then the Cheerios please?' The above would have helped the child's attention, co-operation, listening, sequencing and more plus their self esteem because they would feel their contribution is valued. It takes no more time or effort and means that everyone would be happier.
Communication between adults is probably at an all time low but between parent and child it is frighteningly poor. I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush, I'm talking in general terms. The supermarket, however is an ideal place to observe a whole cross-section of society. It's not just a lack of education that is causing this..... look around and you see all walks of life falling into the same trap.
I've got two little boys who like to help and we chat all the way round the aisles. They enjoy going and feel they are helping .*
I know adults today are very stressed and they have a lot on their plate. I can sympathise but I can't understand why they can't just take a step back and look a how they are interacting with their children. What message are they giving them? It's a fact that the levels of language and communication skills in children are declining: around 40,000 start school each year without the necessary levels to cope with the written language tasks ahead. These are not children with speech or language disorder, these are children with transient difficulties through lack of appropriate stimulation.
What can we do about it? It needs a huge drive to emphasise what problems we are creating by not interacting and to show its an actually easier and much more pleasant option to communicate with your child. One of the main aims of the Smart Talkers Pre-school groups is to help to address this issue www.smarttalkers.org.uk. The development of human communication is amazing, fantastic, awesome... there aren't enough superlatives to describe it. We need to recognise it and know what part we can play in helping our own children.
In the meantime, I prefer to avoid the supermarket so I don't feel stressed by the other parents....
Tesco man here between 10 and 11!! .


*apart from they can't resist the shiny floors for knee slides but hey no ones perfect! There's probably another parent writing her blog about irresponsible parents who allow that sort of behaviour!

Are you really a good listener?

People today have difficulties listening and it's not just the children. This is a real problem and one of the issues the Small Talkers Groups, in the Smart Talker Range are designed to address. 

The key to being a good listener is to get the person with whom you are talking, to talk.  I  was reading 'Raising Happy Children' by Parker, J., & Stimpson, J. (1999) and I realised that I fall into some of the communication traps, when I should know better.

How many do you do?? Are you a good listener? 

It may help to check that you are not doing something else instead:

• Advising - “Tom wouldn’t let me play with him today.”   “I’d take no notice if I were you, go and play with Peter tomorrow instead”.
• Criticising - “Joe took my book and lied and said it was his and my teacher believed him!”   “Well I told you not to take it to school”.
• Dismissing - “Emily broke my bracelet.”   “Oh, it doesn’t matter. We can just get another one when we go shopping”
• Correcting - “It wasn’t fair at tea time, you are always nicer to Sally than you are to me!”  “You mean Breakfast time.”
• Ignoring - “I need mummy to take me to Claire’s house after school.”  “Come and help me to do the dishes”
• Distracting - “I’ve not been picked to be on the netball team and all my friends have.”   “Come and look at what I brought at the shops today and try not to think about it.”
• Reassuring - “I’m scared of the monsters under my bed.”  “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
• Praising - “I hate it when she comes into my room.”  “I’m sure you don’t mind because you are such a good big sister.” 

Everyone falls into one of these traps from time to time, but using replies such as these won't get the same results as really listening. Sometimes parents use these communication traps because they have run out of patience or time  or sometimes because they dont know any better. Whatever the reason, they can be very effective at stopping a child from talking.

Listening has the opposite aim - it encourages your child to talk. Encouraging your child to talk will help them to become a confident and effective communicator, a skill that will help them for their whole life.