Active listening

We tend to get quite poor results if we say "Behave!" to our little ones. It means very little, whereas if we describe the behaviour we want. they are more likely to understand what we require of them and then we might have some chance of them doing what we've asked. For example, if we want them to be quiet, sit still and not run around in the GP waiting room it better to tell them that than ask them to 'Behave!' Many parents and lots of teachers know this and act accordingly. However, we often and repeatedly say "Listen!" But what does that mean to a 3 year old?
Listening is not a passive skill, it's an active one and therefore one that needs to be learned. Just like behaviour we need to break it down and describe what we want from them.
Active listening is actually:

• good sitting
• good looking
• good waiting
• good thinking

You wouldn't expect good thinking until school age and it's very hard to do good waiting as a 3 or 4 year old (its hard enough for this 47 year old to wait if she's got something to say!) Which is why they find it hard to wait for their turn or to let others answer a question to which they know the answer.

Our Small Talker groups (for 3 and 4 year olds) work on active listening. We use a puppet to demonstrate 'not good' sitting so that he actually mirrors some of their behaviours e.g. picking the carpet to picking their noses. They are asked to help the puppet 'because he's not naughty, he's just got to learn'. They have to look for the 'un-required' behaviour and say 'stop, do good sitting'. They are usually excellent at identifying the behaviour in the puppet although they may still be doing the same themselves for a while. Afterwards. I put the puppet where he can 'watch' them do good sitting so he can learn by example. I then monitor the behaviour in a  very positive way so that I praise good sitting (and the wriggly ones usually sit up in  an aim to please) or if that doesn't work I ask the wriggly ones to help the puppet by showing him 'good sitting'. If they are constantly nagged to sit still or to listen, they will switch off. It's amazing how well they respond to this approach. I have had a few run-ins with TAs and parents who have been completely peed off with  my approach because they are itching to dictate 'Will you sit still, now!' However, I've asked them to trust me and watch what happens even if I am irritating them....  we've had some great results!

Maggie Johnson has done a great deal of work with listening skills especially with children with ADHD. I can wholeheartedly recommend her book: 

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• Listening -- a Barrier to Communication (human-resources-management.suite101.com)

Buddying at its best in Stafford

Thanks to the Buddying scheme and the local Community and Learning partnership, the nursery and the pre-school at Doxey Primary in Stafford were able to participate together in a joint project of Languageland Training. This is a package which was developed to provide a complete programme to improve the speech and language skills of children in Primary and nursery education. It works by demonstration training to support nursery & class teachers in adjusting their teaching practice through demonstrated language lessons, and to achieve collaborative practice.
Uniquely, Doxey also invited parents to attend so they could see what I was doing and to have the opportunity of discussing language activities they could do at home. Each week they had materials they could take with them. 
When this idea was first mooted, I wasn't sure it was good one, as it meant 8 children, 8 parents and 8 staff. It can be quite difficult to keep the children's attention, control the group and be discussing what you're doing with staff but to have to then also present it in a way that's readily understood by the parents too was quite daunting. 
The activities were delivered  to children from the nursery and pre-school via Circle Time style sessions and targeted language basics such as: General interaction/social skills, Good listening, Sound awareness skills, Vocabulary and Comprehension. The children just thought we were having fun playing games, singing songs and pretending to ride on a magic carpet but each session was structured to show staff ideas for activities.
I needn't have worried as it worked very well and feedback was 100% positive from staff and parents. Jo Upton from the pre-school said  that the staff were 'inspired', they also signed up for our next project on signing training.
We are hoping to do more with the Buddying project as its a great way of sharing good practise. The next one is in Stretton near Burton with staff from Lansdowne nursery and the Stretton pre-school. Helen Stretton  will aptly do that one!
We're also writing our own version for younger children of around 2 yrs. Watch this space!!


Languageland is avialable to buy from www.blacksheeppress.co.uk 

Why I hate shopping!

 

Is it the hassle of handling the shopping so many times.... into the trolley, out again at the till, pack the bags, load the car?
NO! Its the rantings of other parents that make me mad. I get so irritated by the, usually loud 'Stop it!!', 'Come here!', 'I told you before!', 'Pack it in!' In short, the supermarket is a reflection and huge reminder of today's poor interaction between parent and  child. The parent is frustrated, hassled and completely fed up by the ordeal and the child, who has long switched off to his parents ranting, is just pain bored. The negativity from both sides is almost palpable.
It could be an ideal place for language stimulation and meaningful exchange: Consider 'Do you want red or green apples?', 'What would you like for tea?','Can you get me the Shreddies then the Cheerios please?' The above would have helped the child's attention, co-operation, listening, sequencing and more plus their self esteem because they would feel their contribution is valued. It takes no more time or effort and means that everyone would be happier.
Communication between adults is probably at an all time low but between parent and child it is frighteningly poor. I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush, I'm talking in general terms. The supermarket, however is an ideal place to observe a whole cross-section of society. It's not just a lack of education that is causing this..... look around and you see all walks of life falling into the same trap.
I've got two little boys who like to help and we chat all the way round the aisles. They enjoy going and feel they are helping .*
I know adults today are very stressed and they have a lot on their plate. I can sympathise but I can't understand why they can't just take a step back and look a how they are interacting with their children. What message are they giving them? It's a fact that the levels of language and communication skills in children are declining: around 40,000 start school each year without the necessary levels to cope with the written language tasks ahead. These are not children with speech or language disorder, these are children with transient difficulties through lack of appropriate stimulation.
What can we do about it? It needs a huge drive to emphasise what problems we are creating by not interacting and to show its an actually easier and much more pleasant option to communicate with your child. One of the main aims of the Smart Talkers Pre-school groups is to help to address this issue www.smarttalkers.org.uk. The development of human communication is amazing, fantastic, awesome... there aren't enough superlatives to describe it. We need to recognise it and know what part we can play in helping our own children.
In the meantime, I prefer to avoid the supermarket so I don't feel stressed by the other parents....
Tesco man here between 10 and 11!! .


*apart from they can't resist the shiny floors for knee slides but hey no ones perfect! There's probably another parent writing her blog about irresponsible parents who allow that sort of behaviour!

CELEBRATING FEMALE ENTREPRENEURS: Nat West Every Woman Awards

It's great publicity to be nominated for National Awards and I've been persuaded to enter the 2010 Every Woman Awards 2010: http://www.everywoman.com/everywomanAwards/TheNatWesteverywomanAwards/
It feels slightly wrong because I enjoy what I do so much it doesn't feel like work!

'The NatWest everywoman Awards celebrates inspirational business women who have achieved significant success - particularly those who've had to overcome adversities such as financial constraints, social disadvantages or skills gaps. The Awards play an invaluable role in both recognising success and inspiring other women to venture into the field of business'.

I think most people would like to have their own business but there are many perils and pitfalls which have to be over-come on the way to success. It's certainly not the easy route! It is even harder if you are the only bread winner AND a single parent. I'm entering this competition because it might inspire other women to do the same.  That is: decide what they want to do and then find a way to achieve it despite set-backs and uncertainty, financial worries and family commitments.

There's still along way to go as I want to have at least 10 franchises for the Smart Talkers groups by this time next year and a further 10 by the end of 2012.

Are you really a good listener?

People today have difficulties listening and it's not just the children. This is a real problem and one of the issues the Small Talkers Groups, in the Smart Talker Range are designed to address. 

The key to being a good listener is to get the person with whom you are talking, to talk.  I  was reading 'Raising Happy Children' by Parker, J., & Stimpson, J. (1999) and I realised that I fall into some of the communication traps, when I should know better.

How many do you do?? Are you a good listener? 

It may help to check that you are not doing something else instead:

• Advising - “Tom wouldn’t let me play with him today.”   “I’d take no notice if I were you, go and play with Peter tomorrow instead”.
• Criticising - “Joe took my book and lied and said it was his and my teacher believed him!”   “Well I told you not to take it to school”.
• Dismissing - “Emily broke my bracelet.”   “Oh, it doesn’t matter. We can just get another one when we go shopping”
• Correcting - “It wasn’t fair at tea time, you are always nicer to Sally than you are to me!”  “You mean Breakfast time.”
• Ignoring - “I need mummy to take me to Claire’s house after school.”  “Come and help me to do the dishes”
• Distracting - “I’ve not been picked to be on the netball team and all my friends have.”   “Come and look at what I brought at the shops today and try not to think about it.”
• Reassuring - “I’m scared of the monsters under my bed.”  “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
• Praising - “I hate it when she comes into my room.”  “I’m sure you don’t mind because you are such a good big sister.” 

Everyone falls into one of these traps from time to time, but using replies such as these won't get the same results as really listening. Sometimes parents use these communication traps because they have run out of patience or time  or sometimes because they dont know any better. Whatever the reason, they can be very effective at stopping a child from talking.

Listening has the opposite aim - it encourages your child to talk. Encouraging your child to talk will help them to become a confident and effective communicator, a skill that will help them for their whole life. 


  

Ditch the Dummy!

I've just had another conversation with a parent of a 4 1/2 year old with poor speech about the use of dummies as a huge contributory factor to his problems. He had one until well over 3 years of age because the mother-in-law  said it would 'ruin his personality' if it was taken off him!! What complete and utter rubbish (I've calmed down now so I'm more polite because that wasn't what I was thinking at the time!). 

He's now left with no 'l' sound, 'ch' and 'j' are wrong and his tongue protrudes for 's', 'z' and 'sh'.  He's going to need months of therapy with lots of practise at home.

For the mother-in-law and anyone else who is unsure:

During your baby's early months a dummy can help to soothe. This is understandable, as most babies have a strong sucking reflex and the dummy can, in many cases, help to settle the child. It may not, however, be necessary even then! My babies didn't have one but if it helps to 'pacify'  at sleep times, then I see no real problem for up to a year old. After that, it should be dropped because the child needs to be able to make use of a full range of sounds which can only be achieved by letting the tongue move freely around the articulators (lips, gums, palate etc.) They should NEVER be used when the child is talking.

Using the dummy can lead to the following problems:


Teeth:

• incorrect positioning of teeth so that the bottom and top teeth at the front don't meet properly
• tooth decay (especially the front teeth) if the dummy is dipped into sweet things

Mouth breathing:

• your child may tend to breathe through their mouth rather than their nose. This is often linked to long-term dribbling

Speech and language problems:

• your child may not use the full range of tongue movements that are necessary for making all the speech sound your child has fewer opportunities to babble and use sounds to communicate with you
• much higher risk of acquiring speech sound difficulties 

I see lots of children dropped off at nurseries and who's dummies go in their bags at the door. They have quickly learned that they don't have a dummy there so they don't usually even ask for it. I also see a lot of parents collecting from nursery who retrieve the dummies from bags and install in the child's mouth before they've even said 'Hello'.

I know I hate them and you're probably thinking I'm being too harsh but I think we need to look at WHY they have them when they are able to talk. Are parents trying to shut up their child? 

We need to talk more, not less and anything that gets in the way of this should be discouraged.

I have an A4 'Dummy Free Zone' poster if anyone would like one 
enquiries@smalltalk-ltd.co.uk.

'Signing is not recommended,' says the Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists' Councillor for Research and Development

I'm very angry that  the Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists have made a decision on a matter of importance without recognising ANY proper research or the views of members and their experiences on the subject. On this occasion it's Baby Signing coming under their radar. They have stated that the RCSLT does not recommend signing with babies despite decades of Speech & Language Therapists using it with children and families with very positive outcomes.

The RCSLT refute the evidence by Karen Pine and her team, from the university of Hertfordshire, who showed without doubt that it helps children from disadvantaged backgrounds. She doesn't make wild claims e.g.that it enhances IQ as some of the American studies, but makes valid and sensible conclusions from suitable regulated and professional research.

It is a fact that we need to hi-light and reinforce ANY and every positive communicative practise between parent and baby and its this which is so makes signing so powerful. If a parent is signing (and talking at the same time) they are more likely to be watching and listening to their child and being more aware of both their interaction and their child's response.  This should be praised and encouraged and not condemned.

It looks like I need to write to Nursery World with a case study proving that its very positive to use sign with your baby! I don't need the RCSLT's approval or their recognition to be confident that it works... I KNOW IT DOES as a parent who used it with her own children and as a fully qualified, very experienced professional. Watch this space!

P.S. Thank you RCSLT for publishing the article about me in this months Bulletin.... lol!