Choose carefully where you tell your children about your divorce

Many parents feel anxious and worried about how to tell their children about their impending divorce as it is a major life change.

I always recommend choosing your time carefully. You must been in a “good place” yourself as if you are tearful, angry or overwhelmed your child will feel insecure and anxious and distressed. Never tell your children just before important events such as a birthday or a friend’s party that they have been looking forward to, or a designated special day out. The best time is early in a weekend or school holiday where you are on hand to be around and on hand to answer their questions, reassure them and give them lots of hugs and cuddles if they need them. Give them time to absorb what’s happening.

Children are very perceptive and often know more than you think. Their concerns will revolve primarily around their own needs; they want to know how the divorce will affect them. Will they have to move home? Will they still keep their pets? Will they still go to Cornwall with Granny in July? One client mentioned that the second question that her son asked her was "Will we have to return to dial-up internet?"  So be prepared to give your children information about how the divorce will affect their 'day-to-day' lives. They don't want to give up their friends or change schools because you are getting divorced and remember that the age of your child is an important factor to consider in what you say. A simple and direct summary of the situation is often a good beginning. Very young children will have a limited understanding of the meaning of 'divorce,' while older children will have more questions which guide the conversation.

Sue Atkins is an internationally recognised Parenting Expert, Broadcaster, Speaker and Author of the Amazon best selling books  "Parenting Made Easy – How To Raise Happy Children” & “Raising Happy Children for Dummies" one in the famous black and yellow series as well as author of the highly acclaimed Parenting Made Easy CDs. She has just launched the 1^st in her series of Parenting Made Easy apps for iPhones and iPads – The Secrets To Well Behaved Kids https://itunes.apple.com/app/sue-atkins-parenting-made/id439743586?mt=8

What is the Hello campaign doing in August?

This August, the Hello campaign (the national year of communication) has launched Summer Talk

– a downloadable pack with games and activities that support families to encourage children’s
communication skills when they are out and about this Summer.

Summer Talk, available from www.hello.org.uk/resources, includes fun and ‘easy to do’ activities
for trips to the zoo, park and museum. It also contains games and challenges to keep kids
entertained on car journeys and at home.

Partners from across the country have provided the activities as part of their support of Hello.  One partner, Fink, has created a month‐long calendar of activities in support of the Hello August
theme of ‘Talk and Go’. This includes a free activity and conversation booklet for the summer
holidays, tips and expert blogs from the likes of parenting expert Sue Atkins all available from
www.finkcards.co.uk/resources/blog.

Fink is run by mother of four, Lisa Warner who I met at the 2009 mumpreneur awards, and the company provides question cards to encourage conversation within the family to ensure children become confident communicators.   Alison Marrs, Professional Advisor for the Hello campaign, says; “This August is the perfect time for families to spend time together going out and about. At the Hello campaign, we know just how important family time is for children’s development.  “We want to support families to develop children’s communication skills when they are out and about. Summer Talk includes a range of games and activities that are fun and easy to do whilst at the same time encouraging children’s communication skills. A huge thank you to all of our partners for contributing their brilliant ideas and activities. ”

Lisa Warner, founder of Fink Cards, says; “Fink stands for Family Interaction Nurtures Kids and we
are on a mission to get people talking. We are delighted to partner with the Hello campaign as we
both believe passionately that communication is the key to a successful and happy life. For the
whole of August Fink will be supporting Hello with fantastic blogs from experts, tips, advice and
much much more.” Lisa gave me a set of cards back in 2009 and I've been using them for a variety of purposes both clinically and for fun.

During August, Fink are offering 50% of any order when HELLO is quoted online at
www.finkcards.com.