When School Hurts: Why Some Children Can’t Attend — and Why Punishing Families Makes It Worse

There’s a growing narrative that children missing school are simply refusing to attend — and their parents need to “get a grip.” But that story ignores thousands of children whose non-attendance is rooted in trauma, anxiety, sensory overload, or unmet SEND needs. These children are not skipping school. They are avoiding pain. When a Child’s Body Says “No More” For many neurodivergent children — especially autistic students, those with sensory processing differences, PDA profiles, or mental health difficulties — school can be overwhelming: • Noise that feels like physical pain • Rigid behaviour systems that punish distress • Social pressures they can’t navigate • Environments that feel unsafe or unpredictable They want to learn. They want to succeed. But their nervous system is in survival mode. Calling this “school refusal” is misleading. Often, it is school-induced trauma. The Harm of a One-Size-Fits-All Attendance Push Current political messaging treats all non-attendance as the same kind of problem. The result? ✅ Children in crisis are fined, labelled, and pushed harder ✅ Parents who are advocating nonstop for support are blamed ❌ The root issues — lack of appropriate provision — remain untouched Children become statistics instead of individuals. What These Children Need Instead ✔ Trauma-informed, flexible education ✔ Sensory-safe environments ✔ Recognition of anxiety and neurodivergence ✔ Collaboration with parents (not punishment) ✔ A placement that fits the child — not the other way around Attendance improves when school is a place a child can actually cope. A Better Narrative We must stop treating these families as the problem. They are doing everything they can to protect their child. The real issue isn’t that these children won’t go to school. It’s that the school system hasn’t yet found a way to welcome them. Let’s fix the system — not the children.