Why do some children lie?

Ive just had a very familiar conversation with a parent about their potentially autistic child. He lies about small things like what he has at home but also big things such as his father hitting him. Safe-guarding concerns are always flagged. But why does this happen? Understanding the Behaviour Autistic children can display complex stress responses when overwhelmed, distressed, confused, or when communication breaks down. These responses can include: 1. Fight • May appear argumentative, accusatory, or defensive • Can present as firm insistence on a version of events to regain control 2. Flight • Avoidance of questioning or shifting into an alternate “reality” to escape distress • Storytelling can act as emotional escape when real-life stressors feel intolerable 3. Freeze • Shutdown, flat affect, or lack of reaction when asked about the allegation • May appear "unbothered" or robotic – often a dissociative response, not deception 4. Fawn • Saying what they think adults want to hear • Highly compliant with leading or suggestive questioning, even if inaccurate 5. Fibster Response (Confabulation as Coping) • Narrative may be inconsistent or fictional, yet genuinely believed by the child • Can arise from communication impairments, poor episodic memory, or unmet emotional needs 6. Funster Response (Fantasy as Self-Protection) • Uses humour or storytelling to deflect distress • Allegations may symbolise emotional hurt or relational fear, not literal events Why This Happens: A Neurodevelopmental & Trauma-Informed Lens • Language and communication difficulties (e.g. delayed echolalia, literal thinking) • Poor memory coherence (autistic children may struggle to sequence or recall personal events reliably) • Alexithymia (difficulty identifying or explaining internal emotional states) • High anxiety and prior invalidation (can fuel internal distress that is externalised as a fixed story) • Co-occurring demand avoidance or trauma (some stories may be an expression of fear, loss of control, or relational rupture) This does not mean the child is “lying” in the deliberate sense. It reflects a protective, stress-related survival response. Safeguarding Considerations 1. Take all allegations seriously. Even when stories appear implausible, always begin with appropriate safeguarding procedures. 2. Ensure the child is safe and regulated. Avoid confrontation. Use calm, validating language: “Thank you for telling us. You were right to speak up. We’re going to help you feel safe.” 3. Do not lead or overload the child with questions. Use trauma-informed communication. Where needed, seek support from a speech and language therapist (SLT) or clinical psychologist trained in autism. 4. Document factually. Record the child’s words verbatim, without interpretation or assumption. Note context, emotional state, and any communication differences. 5. Consider the child’s neurodevelopmental profile. Assess with input from autism and communication specialists before making judgements on credibility. 6. Use reflective supervision. For staff involved, explore emotional responses and unconscious bias to ensure safeguarding responses remain child-centred and non-punitive. Recommended Actions • Ensure the child is given a safe adult relationship where their voice is heard without pressure. • Involve SLT and/or clinical psychology to support narrative formation, memory reliability, and emotional literacy. • Review previous safeguarding records for patterns of distress, exclusion, or misinterpretation. • Plan ongoing support, particularly around emotional regulation, communication, and safe expression of concerns. Reference Framework • Department for Education (2023). Working Together to Safeguard Children • NICE Guidelines NG93 (2018). Autism spectrum disorder in under 19s: Support and management • Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation • Bruce, S., & Thorne, K. (2021). Trauma-informed Practice for Children and Young People with DLD We talk talk about this enough!